crying.
feeling so utterly utterly alone, as ever.
desperately trying to stay safe -i even moved rooms so as not to be staring at the blades anymore...
at the back of my mind the rope is lurking -mocking me even.
and what the woman at the end of the phone to NHS24 last week said "you don't buy a rope for no reason" ...correct
why can't i just do everyone this last favour/selfish deed?
how can it be that i feel so torn between hurting myself and staying safe...why are they not mutually exclusive?
Well, their outcomes are but the thoughts of them aren't (for me anyway!) and i hate it...possibly more than i hate myself though it may be too close to call.
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