"One of the hardest things about coping with a diagnosis of
Borderline Personality Disorder
(other than the condition itself) is the stigma attached to the
condition. A lack of understanding coupled with misinformation,
unhelpful content on the web and even the attitude of some professionals
mean it can be hard for those of us with BPD to get access to the help
and support we need as our label puts us on the
trash heap of life. In this post I hope to dispel some of the top myths surrounding the condition…
I want to try to discuss some of the more negative traits associated with BPD, including being called ‘
attention seekers’ ‘
manipulative’ ‘
deceptive’
‘demanding’ ‘destructive’ ‘obstructive’ and ‘dangerous’. It’s hard not
to find these words bandied around to describe BPD sufferers, so-called
experts and therapists supposed to ‘help’ us use these words
themselves, and often will do ‘anything’ to avoid getting a BPD patient
on their list as we are considered ‘un-treatable’ ‘uncooperative’ and
‘non-compliant’ for treatment. Websites that are meant to help and
support us even use the same terminology – is it any wonder we feel
victimised and like ‘no-one’ gives a crap!?
Well excuse me just a moment, for all you so-called ‘normal’ people
out there, you don’t have the ‘reason’ or ‘excuse’ of BPD but excuse me,
just how many of you are all of the words listed above!? I can’t count
the number of ‘normal’ people I’ve met that lie, cheat, steal, abuse,
deceive, endanger, attention-seek, and manipulate others! So, come on
tell me why is it OK for you? But, because we have the label
‘Borderline Personality Disorder’ attached to our behaviour we are to be
‘abandoned’ ‘disowned’ and thrown on the trash heap of life as useless
wasters not worthy of help, support and compassion? Please, I really
would like to know why we are the bad ones. After all, in the majority
of cases the reason we have this diagnosis is because of the
MISTREATMENT
of all the above kinds and more we have received at the hands of others
(abuse, rape, emotional, physical and mental suffering, bullying,
torment, and psychological torture… the list goes on)
Okay, so now I’ve had my rant let’s examine these traits. Each of
these could be a post in its own right as there is much more to say,
this is just a brief overview of each myth with sources for further
information. I may also do a lengthier post on each at a later time.
Where I have used an explanation in full from elsewhere I have quoted
the ‘source’ at the end of the text, if I have just used material as
reference but written my own explanation I have listed the ‘reference’
at the end.
1.) Borderlines are attention seekers…
| Dictionary definition: “seizing the attention” |
There are many people with
personality disorders;
they may be considered attention seekers but let me ask you, if you had
a cold, what is it you look for from your partner or friends? Isn’t it
comfort, reassurance and attention? So why would it be any different for
someone suffering from severe emotional distress? Self-harming
behaviours may trigger responses from others but they are rarely
intended as attention seeking, they are very real expressions of an
inability to cope and desire to escape the daily torture of BPD, the
intent is to
punish oneself or relieve some pressure, attention from others is not the reason for engaging in these behaviours.(Reference:
The Borderline Personality Survival Guide, BPD World )
2.) Borderlines are manipulative…
| Dictionary definition: “To manage or influence skillfully, esp. in an unfair manner: to manipulate people’s feelings” |
This is a very harsh comment to make about someone who is using the
best skills they have available. Try to imagine what someone with a
personality disorder has gone through, and then think about what
extremes you would go to protect yourself. Isn’t it true that life is a
fight for survival or would it be seen that way through the eyes of
someone with a personality disorder? (Source:
BPD World)
3.) Borderlines are deceptive…
| Dictionary definition: “designed to deceive or mislead either deliberately or inadvertently” |
This is linked to the discussion about manipulation, the borderline
can be considered a convincing liar, who sets out to intentionally
mislead others with their manipulative and deceitful behaviours.
However, a Borderline is highly unlikely to intentionally do these
things due to the knowledge and fear that such behaviours increase the
risk of rejection and abandonment, which of course are to be avoided at
all costs. In fact due to the childlike nature of a borderline at times
of pressure they actually find it difficult to lie at all, except for
lying by omission (not revealing something, but not denying it either) (reference: all sources mentioned on this page)
4.) Borderlines are demanding…
| Dictionary definition: “requiring more than usually expected or thought due; especially great patience and effort and skill” |
Imagine having a broken leg, you know there is treatment and with a
little patience you will be better before you know it. With a
personality disorder you are likely to experience the problem for many
years with no real hope of a cure but your symptoms are likely to lessen
as you grow older. Unlike a broken leg, you can not exactly see what is
wrong but you can definitely feel it. I am sure everyone will agree
this would make anyone quite demanding and impatient. (Source:
BPD World)
5.) Borderlines are destructive…
| Dictionary definition: “Causing or wreaking destruction; ruinous” |
This is true, if you consider it as ‘self-destructive’ rather than
destruction aimed outwards. Reports of people with BPD destroying the
property of others or other destructive behaviours aimed at others are
rarely true. A person with BPD is likely to act impulsively when
triggered, this includes a variety of self-destructive behaviours from
unprotected sexual promiscuity to destruction of owns own property
(punishment as you ‘don’t’ deserve these ‘nice’ things). Rachel Reiland
describes how she burned her childhood awards, certificates and high
school diploma in ‘Get me out of here: My recovery from Borderline
Personality Disorder’ as she felt they did ‘Mean anything’ and this is
typical of what can happen when a Borderline loses ‘control’ our
achievements can become devalued and we can destroy things once held
dear. (Reference:
Get me out of here: My recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder)
6.) Borderlines are obstructive…
| Dictionary definition: “To impede, retard, or interfere with; hinder” |
People with mental health issues have been often through mental
health services for years. People with a personality disorder are likely
to be involved with services for much longer than the standard mental
health patient. They are offered so many services and therapies that
have different names but often mean the same; they often end up feeling
like a bit of a guinea pig, and reluctant to continue with another
service or therapy. (Source:
BPD World)
7.) Borderlines are dangerous…
| Dictionary definition: “Being able or likely to do harm.” |
The few films and TV representations of people with BPD tend to
portray us as violent and at high risk of harming others. This is
completely untrue, we are more likely to do ANYTHING to avoid hurting
others, at great risk to ourselves. Borderlines will sacrifice their
own needs to try to make others happy and avoid any possibility that
they would leave or reject us. The only way in which we are dangerous
is to ourselves, directing our anger inwards rather than outwards – this
actually distinguishes BPD from Antisocial Personality Disorder, where
sufferers anger is more likely to be directed outwards. For many BPD
sufferers our own experiences on the receiving end of danger, violence
and anger mean we avoid such expressions at all costs having witnessed
the damage it can cause first hand. (Reference:
The Borderline Personality Survival Guide)
8.) Borderlines are un-treatable…
| Dictionary definition: “Incapable of being treated; not practicable.” |
Until recently mental health professional struggled with treating
people with BPD and concluded it was untreatable, in fact it was just
that the treatments used were ineffective and with improvements in
research and understanding (particularly the work of Marsha Linehan)
people with BPD now have a greater chance of recovery than those with
Bipolar disorder – so long as they can get access to treatment, which is
still the biggest barrier for most BPD sufferers. (Reference:
The Borderline Personality Survival Guide)
9.) Borderlines are uncooperative…
| Dictionary definition: “unwilling to cooperate.” |
If you were faced with a professional whose job it is to help you,
but who has prejudged you (based on the BPD label) as all the words
defined here, and additionally ‘needy, time-consuming and difficult’ how
would you feel? You would be able to sense those negative attitudes
even if they were not verbally expressed, and they would become apparent
very quickly in the relationship. Would you feel able to cooperate with
someone who clearly doesn’t really want to be around you? of course
not! Well this is what people with BPD experience all too often. we are
not deliberately uncooperative, any more than the next person, but it is
hard to cooperate with something when you can tell that your best
interests are not at the heart of the issue, that getting rid of you as
quick as possible is the key priority. Given a chance the majority of
people with BPD are willing to try ANYTHING to get better, how can that
be uncooperative? (Reference:
Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder)
10.) Borderlines are non-compliant…
| Dictionary definition: “a person who refuses to comply.” |
Linked to the previous definition this is about the notion that
people with BPD are unwilling to comply with treatment, not taking
medication prescribed, not turning up for therapy sessions etc. As
before it is hard to comply with something that does not feel aimed at
helping you, but in fact due to the intense need to recover, avoid
abandonment and rejection a person with BPD is actually more likely to
‘overdo’ it creating the ‘boundary’ issues that sometimes come up
instead. Arriving too early for therapy sessions is one of my personal
issues. All these things can lead to a person with BPD believing they
are untreatable, beyond help and become filled with shame and self-doubt
to the extent that they become non-compliant due to feeling the
obstacles to change outweigh the possible benefits and chances of
success. Thus, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and for the BPD
sufferer to be able to change the attitudes of others needs to change.
(Reference:
The Borderline Personality Survival Guide)"
[http://showard76.wordpress.com/2011/08/08/10-myths-about-borderline-personality-disorder-dispelled/]
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