Some nights, I stay up cashing in my bad luck (that's what i'm doing just now, at 5am!...just thinking about things..mainly not good things)
Some nights, I call it a draw (that'd be the nights when i give in and hurt myself)
Some nights, I wish that my lips could build a castle
Some nights, I wish they'd just fall off
But I still wake up, I still see your ghost (well, that would be all of the things from my past that haunt me)
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for oh (i don't feel like a real person)
What do I stand for? What do I stand for? (why am i here?why not someone who was desperate to live but got really sick?!)
Most nights, I don't know anymore... (i don't know anything...my brain's broken)
Oh woah, oh woah, oh woah oh oh
Oh woah, oh woah, oh woah oh oh
This is it, boys, this is war - what are we waiting for? (LIVING -that would be the war i'm living...fighting with wanting to not be here...going to die anyway...why am i fighting it?!)
Why don't we break the rules already? (why don't i just do it?!Just stop all this craziness and escape -always, the one thing that keeps me from doing it is the fact that some poor bastard finds you...)
I was never one to believe the hype - save that for the black and white (other people say everything will be ok...but it's not and i don't see it getting any better)
I try twice as hard and I'm half as liked, but here they come again to jack my style (self explanatory...i DO try -even though the doctors/social worker/crisis team/anyone who knows me -they all think i don't try but i do...every day...sometimes it's a fight from moment to moment...most days it's like that now)
And that's alright; I found a martyr in my bed tonight (i'm not a martyr -they're good people..but i do feel dead...and no, that's not ok!)
She stops my bones from wondering just who I am, who I am, who I am (i don't know why i can't figure out who i am)
Oh, who am I? Oh, who am I? mmm... mmm...
Well, Some nights, I wish that this all would end (permanently)
'Cause I could use some friends for a change (it certainly doesn't seem as though i have any most days)
And some nights, I'm scared you'll forget me again (i do have this though/feeling...but it's not completely unwarranted...i have been forgotten...and that's ok...everyone has their own stuff to deal with)
Some nights, I always win, I always win... (thus far, because i'm still here..though that doesn't seem like winning to me)
But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know... (i don't know why i'm still here...i wish i could just vanish)
So this is it? I sold my soul for this? (i am at the end of my tether)
Washed my hands of that for this? (i have tried everything)
I miss my mom and dad for this? (i even cut out family in the past year...)
No. When I see stars, when I see stars, that's all they are (a fork is a fork and this situation is what it is -shit)
When I hear songs, they sound like a swan, so come on (nothing matters)
Oh, come on. Oh, come on, OH COME ON!
That is it, guys, that is all - five minutes in and I'm bored again (i really really try...i go outside or do something i haven't done for a long time...but just end up lost in darkness again)
Ten years of this, I'm not sure if anybody understands (that'll be because they don't!)
This is not one for the folks at home; I'm sorry to leave, mom, I had to go (that line just sounds like a suicide note to me!)
Who the fuck wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun? (...)
My heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she called "love" (i hate when others hurt...it hurts me -even if they annoy me)
But when I look into my nephew's eyes... (my nieces and nephews and how my no longer being here could possibly be explained to them...that's so selfish it has kept me here much longer than i want to be)
Man, you wouldn't believe the most amazing things that can come from... (sometimes i see logic where i didn't before, you know, after a really rubbish day/night)
Some terrible nights...ahhh...
Oh woah, oh woah, oh woah, oh oh
Oh woah, oh woah, oh woah, oh oh
The other night, you wouldn't believe the dream I just had about you and me (my dreams are CRAZY -keep having similar dreams to reality but with different endings)
I called you up, but we'd both agree
It's for the best you didn't listen (i have to go because i can't be here and be this alone and this sore)
It's for the best we get our distance... oh... (that's why i cut out so many folk -it should lessen the pain when i go)
It's for the best you didn't listen
It's for the best we get our distance... oh...
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