21 Tips to Keep Your Shit Together When You’re Depressed.
A while ago, I penned a
fairly angry response to something circulating on the internet – the 21
Habits of Happy People. It pissed me off beyond belief, that there was
an inference that if you weren’t Happy, you simply weren’t doing the
right things.
I’ve had depression for as long as I can remember. It’s manifested in different ways. I did
therapy. I did prozac. I did more therapy. My baseline is melancholic.
I’d just made peace with it when I moved, unintentionally, to a place
that had markedly less sunshine in the winter. I got seasonal
depression. I got that under control. Then I got really, really sick.
Turns out it’s a permanent, painful genetic disorder. My last pain-free
day was four years ago.
So, this Cult of Happy article just set me off.
Just… anger. Rage. Depression is serious – debilitating, often
dangerous, and it’s got an enormous stigma. It leaves people to fend
for themselves.
It’s bad enough without people ramming Happy Tips
at you through facebook. There is no miracle behaviour change that will
flip that switch for you. I know, I’ve tried.
A friend of mine suggested that I write something
from my point of view because, surprisingly, I manage to give an
outwards impression of having my shit together. I was shocked to hear
this. And I find this comical, but I see her point. I’m functioning.
I’ve adapted. I’m surprisingly okay. I think the medical term
is “resilient”.
So, here it is.
My 21 Tips on Keeping Your Shit Together During Depression
1) Know
that you’re not alone. Know that we are a silent legion, who, every day
face the solipsism and judgement of Happy People Who Think We Just
Aren’t Trying. There are people who are depressed, people who have been depressed, and people who just haven’t been hit with it yet.
2) Understand
that the Happy People are usually acting out of some genuine (albeit
misguided) concern for you, that it’s coming from a good place, even if
the advice feels like you’re being blamed for your disease. Telling you
these things makes them feel better, even if it makes you feel like
shit. (If they insist on keeping it up, see #12.)
3) Enlist the help of a professional. See your doctor. You need to talk about the ugly shit, and there are people paid to listen and help you find your way to the light at the end of the tunnel.
4) Understand
that antidepressants will only do so much. They’re useful, they’ll
level you out and give you the time you need to figure out your own path
to getting well. They can be helpful. There are lots to choose from.
They may not be for you, and even if they are, they take some time to
kick in. Conversely, they may not be for you. Work with your doctor.
5) Pick up a paintbrush, a pencil, an activity you got joy from in the past and re-explore that. Or, sign up
for the thing you always wanted to try. There is a long history and
link between depression and creativity. It’s a bright light of this
condition, so utilize it to your best advantage.
6) Eat
nutritionally sound, regular small meals. If you’re having trouble
eating, try to focus on what you’d like to eat. I went through a whole
six week episode of tomatoes and cream cheese on a bagel twice a day.
Not great, but it was something – helpful context, I’m a recovered
anorexic. Conversely, if all you want to do is scarf down crap, try to
off-ramp it by downing a V-8 and doing #9 for 15 minutes, and see how
you feel. Chucking your blood sugar all over hell’s half acre is going to make you feel worse.
7) While
you’re doing #3, get some bloodwork done. If you’re low on iron or
vitamin D, or if your hormone levels are doing the Macarena… these can
all contribute to zapping your energy or switching your mood to Bleak
As Hell.
8) If
you’re in bed and the “insomnia hamsters”, as I like to call them, are
on the wheel of your head, watch Nightly Business News on PBS. This has
the effect of Nyquil. Swap out your coffee for herbal tea. If you just cannot sleep, try the next tip….
9) Learn
how to meditate. Start by focusing on your breathing. Not sleep, not
thoughts. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Meditation is
focusing on being present in your body, not careening around in your
brain. It may not be as good as sleep but it will give you some rest and
recharge you.
10) Face
a window as often as you can – at work, at home. Look out into the
world. Watch. Observe. Try to find something you find pretty or
interesting to focus on. And, handily remember that one in five of those
people out there feel the way you do.
11) Cry.
Better out than in. Sometimes it’s not convenient or career-enhancing
to cry, so find a private place as best you can and let the tears go.
Carry Kleenex and face wipes and extra concealer if you wear makeup. You
can always claim allergies.
12) Any
“friend” who resolutely believes that your depression is because you’re
lazy, because you’re not trying hard enough, who blames you for not
bootstrapping out of it- that friend needs to be cut off. Polite (#2) is
one thing, but there is a limit. You don’t have to explain, you can
just not respond. You feel badly enough, you don’t need
their “assistance”.
13) Limit
your time with people who drain you. You know who they are. Often you
don’t have a choice- but you can put the meter on. And, subsequently, be
aware of what you’re asking of those close to you.
14) Everyone
has shit they’ve got to deal with. What you have been saddled with is
your shit. Recognize, just as you’re not alone, you’re also not unique.
The grass may look greener, you may be jealous or envious of others who
don’t have to deal with depression, but you likely do not know
everything that’s going on with them.
15) Let
go or be dragged. This is an old Buddhist saying. It’s a very useful
way to frame aspects of depression. Betrayal, anger, fear… letting go is
a process – often a painful and difficult process - but it’s ultimately
going to show you the path out of this terrible place. Repeating the
mantra can help when you’re feeling gripped by these feelings.
16) Wear
clothes that make you feel confident. It takes as much time to put on
nice clothes as it does to put on sweatpants. You will want to wear the
sweatpants. Fight the urge. The whole “look good/feel better” campaign
isn’t limited to cancer and chemotherapy. Or women.
17) Avoid
fictional drama and tragedy like the plague. No Grey’s Anatomy, no to
The Notebook, or anything that won a Pulitzer prize. You’ve got enough
going on In Real Life. Comedy only. Or trashy stuff. Old
episodes of WonderWoman? I’ve got the box set. Mindless drivel, like the
latest CGI blockbuster. Or clever, funny books. David Sedaris. Jenny
Lawson. Fiction exists to elicit emotion, and the emotion you need to
express most right now is laughter.
18) Simple
exercise, if you can. It can be something as simple as taking the
stairs up a flight, or walking around the block. It doesn’t have to be
elaborate, it doesn’t have to involve climbing a mountain or running a
marathon. Baby steps.
19) Depression will lie to you. Depression will try to tell you what others are thinking. That
you are unloved and unworthy, that others think little of you or don’t
care – or even wish you harm. You are not a psychic. Keep repeating
that. “I am not a psychic”. Repeat. The only way to know what another person is thinking is to up and ask them.
20) If
you are well and truly losing this battle, reach out to someone. I’ve
been the random friendly-but-not-close person who has fielded the
occasional outreach. I like to think I’m not judgemental and generally
resourceful, and others have thought the same, so they called and asked.
You know someone like me. And they will help you.
21) Forgive yourself. I’m
writing out all these tips, and I can’t always muster the strength to
even stick my nose outside, or walk up the stairs, or eat my vegetables.
Today, I got outside for ten minutes. I will try again tomorrow. And I
will try again the day after that.
This list will not cure you.
This list will not flip on the happy switch.
God, I wish it were that easy.
The theme here is to not to unknowingly sabotage yourself.
All these little things?
Like your blood sugar, or watching non-stop episodes of House, or endless Try Harder lectures from your Perpetually Perky sister?
This list will not flip on the happy switch.
God, I wish it were that easy.
The theme here is to not to unknowingly sabotage yourself.
All these little things?
Like your blood sugar, or watching non-stop episodes of House, or endless Try Harder lectures from your Perpetually Perky sister?
They all make dealing with depression just a tiny bit harder than it needs to be.
And it’s hard enough, all on its own."
(http://www.diycouturier.com/post/47249603128/21-tips-to-keep-your-shit-together-when-youre)
And it’s hard enough, all on its own."
(http://www.diycouturier.com/post/47249603128/21-tips-to-keep-your-shit-together-when-youre)
It's so much bull how stupid people can be. "Just don't be depressed and you wont be depressed!" ..that reminds me of this article that another girl online sent me once, it was a link to some nutritionist doctor who was saying that all mood disorders could be fixed by us taking Benadryl... I was like...dude you're so fucking stupid right now..seriously..
ReplyDeleteSome people shouldn't be allowed out in public...or internet access...LOL...
ReplyDeletemy fave is "smile -it might never happen" ...i swear, the next time i hear that someone's getting a black eye!!
I don't even get that one. "Smile it might never happen", what kind of bull is that?
ReplyDelete