Tuesday 6 September 2016

Too sore today

I have had CRPS symptoms since I was young and then in Jan 2010 I sledged into a tree, I was formally diagnosed with CRPS in the aftermath. (Doctors in hospital had also spoken about "musculoskeletal" pain/problems/ disorders... Do these things go hand in hand?!)

I also have CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome)/ more commonly known as M.E.

I have been told I am on the maximum painkillers and nerve medications I can be... I spend so many days staring at walls (today is one of them).
Doctors have washed their hands of me.
I no longer call the GP. The impact this isolation is having on my mental health is horrendous. 

Today, the wall is full of monsters. I wish they were real and would just put me out of this pain-filled day. 
People are shouting and swearing outside, come night it turns to fights. Often they are serious and I know of at least a handful of incidents treated as attempted murder, right outside my window. Less than a year since a -sadly, very sadly- 'successful' murder. (Not that I can see outside my window anymore... I just lie here in my body's daft joke with me telling my brain that I am wrapped in flames).
I freakishly wish those who would like to take the life of someone else would just open my door.

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