i can't pretend anymore

i can't pretend things are fine anymore.
i can't fake a smile anymore.

i am sore.
all the time.
the doctors don't care or listen
my knees hurt, my elbows hurt, my back's beyond sore and it feels like there's an elephant on my chest, albeit a small one...but it's CONSTANT...

they only 'care' when you're dead

then they get a group together to wok out how nothing could have been done and nobody is to blame for the 'tragedy'

instead of my scars reminding me of what i've managed to survive, they're just a constant reminder of my inability to cope and my failures - they're a constant trigger

i wish i could just die in an accident
so i don’t get accused of attention seeking as usual
or bring more sgame on my family than i already do
or hurt the ones who really do try to help