Wednesday 7 November 2012

dreams that are real

so...i made it past my birthday -but it was all a bit weird...I was so not in my head for the whole day...it was how i imagine it would be like to be a zombie.

i hadn't taken my medications for 4 days (which probably doesn't sound much...but i have over 20 medicines and some of them are pretty high doses!)

so i was completely checked out and don't remember the day.

the crisis team came over and apparently i said i couldn't do anything because i only had a wee rubbishy rope and was pi$$ed off that one of the crisis doctors or nurses or CPNs (I don't know they all have to have titles now!)..i was told that i said, and I QUOTE "bitch took my good rope"... i kind of vaguely remember it but i've been drifting in and out of sleep for weeks now and haven't left the flat except to go to the GP once -and they then sent me to hospital and THAT was one of my most horrific trips...and I've had some horrific stays!!...anyway...i honestly thought that was a dream. i can't believe it really happened and i really said that.

i don't want to believe i said that. it's horrible!

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