A bad day

i'm thinking i need more help before i slip into complete insanity

but i don't know how to go about things
- what kind of help do i need - i don't know
- where do you go when you don't even know the answer to that...
--and even if i knew, i still wouldn't know where to turn
---and i'd stumble over my words and i hate calling people/companies/anyone...

Today (Monday) for instance, was horrific -i had to post a letter as it needs to get to London for Thur and it took me from 7:30am trying to get outside; i got out of the flat just before half3...

and was in A TOTAL MESS

i cried openly in public as i wandered along gripping my rollator's brakes and having to stop from the pain in my leg ...

To get help they have this horrific 'personalisation' form

ever tried to fill one of THOSE in?!

THEY LEAVE ME FEELING...WELL... DE-PERSONALISED
...inhuman/subhuman/worthless/...like a leach or a failure..SICK

i DO need more help than i am getting -but because i've basically become a recluse over the last 4 years, the mental health problems started stacking up
-it's a bit like a game of mental-illness-tetris in my head...and i'm losing...
-and it's now at the bit where the lines are all muddled over one anther and so high up that the music is rapid and stressful...

this becomes a BIG problem because, i have physical pain and walking/showering aids as wel as this utter emotional/mental breakdown occurring alongside it -and they are DEFINITELY linked  and twisted so well together it seems they never will be going away...
i don't know if there is an agency that could/would help because sometimes i can just be flat on my back crying because of nerve pain OR emotional pain/mental exhaustion...

today was both -and it was bad