I did this

I know I say I or me a lot but it’s not in a vain way. It’s to make clear I’m speaking for me and my head mess and not assuming you do or do not think that way…

I realise that probably makes little sense. 

It’s not worded well.

I think of you and your mum and dad and so so many other people… a lot… and not just these past 5 months … we finally got to a place where we’d asked your mum to come over once a week, where you were getting to fully know her as a grown up to grown up…

 

And it doesn’t matter what plans were does it? 

I wish everyone hated me so they’d be relieved from the duty of care and burden that is me.. This isn’t a storm I can dance in or any of the crap people have said.

How can you just be when you don’t know if you’ll be awake or compos mentis or …

And I did this to her.

I brought this level of daily uncertainty to her.

And I’m sorry. It’s not a big enough word.