Peace in this world, PLEASE.

You know the question you're asked as a child "if you had 3 wishes what would they be"...

Seriously, only need one.

That everyone would just LOVE...

It really is THAT SIMPLE...

People CHOOSE to complicate it and it breaks my heart

Coloboma and me

*I have UNILATERAL (in one eye only) COLOBOMA (the eye did not form fully) of the IRIS, RETINA, OPTIC NERVE and CHOROID.

*The SAME eye is microphthalmic (small eye) and has nystagmus (fast to-and-fro movements of the eyes).

*I also developed a VERY noticeable strabismus (squint) which was surgically corrected when I was 26; it was highly unlikely to self-correct since there was not enough vision there to pull it in the other direction. 

I am completely blind in that eye. 

My mum and dad were given a ghastly prognosis (good old scary eighties! LOL!) 

They were told I'd be delayed in every way possible -and would be lucky to hit ANY milestones etc etc; they were told I'd NEVER go to mainstream schooling etc and would ALWAYS need cared for...

Well I went to a nursery school for blind and partially-sighted kids and apparently hit a great many milestones well before expected...particularly emotional ones *i was the wee girl who was always checking everyone got a turn with the ball/whatever game we were playing* LOL

I went to mainstream schools and was in the top classes of every subject with the exception of sports -I just can't get the hang of depth perception and so would completely plummet in mood (and I MADE SURE that EVERYONE knew it!Hahahaa!!) *however, thinking back, I didnt try mich and because of my visual impairment, teachers were afraid to push me.. I'd just blame my vision/lack thereof when i couldn't be bothered or didn't like something...i got let off with SOOOO much!!

anyhoo...after high school, I then went to (mainstream) university and gained an honours degree in music.

I live in my own flat. 

Alone. 

Well, with pets...lol.

I drive...

I'm so grateful to my parents and siblings and other family members...they supported me AND knew when tough love was the way to do it!!

I don't know how they did it!!

No children so my opinions aren't valid?!

I was basically, no...let me start again.

I was flat-out told this.

Actually, I have been told this on more occasions than I can recall...and what with post traumatic stress disorder locking my ass at the moment o don't even want to TRY to recall any that aren't already whipping me right back in time, place and all senses...

I'm not angry about being told this; it just hurts.

I'm 'only' an aunt so all of my nieces and nephews have been told a great many times to simply ignore anything I've said.

It often hasn't been made clear to them that it's only for whatever issue my siblings and I obviously disagree on.

At the moment, I have one niece who is hurting my heart sooooo much! 

She'll just completely ignore me.

She could be about to walk into a wall and I try to help her but she just freaking blanks me!!!!!

Then, today, she ignored something my mum asked of her. I feel dreadful for having that make me feel slightly better!!!!

My head is so warped and twisted.

What a horrible daughter I am!

What a horrible thing to have happened to my mum, and on Mother's Day too!

(Oh but then I'm NOT a mother and today only served to drive their point deeper into my messed up mind!)

I'm sick of being a waste of space.

I'm sick of being a nothing.