Friends and being a rubbishy one

I've spent FAR too many hours crying over how much of a letdown I am to everyone...

I've completely melted down and caused myself physical harm over these intense feelings.

Social anxiety has crippled me and I don't like to go outside AT ALL anymore...

I had a friend I drove LOTS of places and messaged CONSTANTLY then she got a new boyfriend and I've had my car taken back by the powers that be...

This has ONLY JUST occurred to me...I realise that people have probably experienced this several times over prior to reaching their 30s but I haven't...

I melted again today...

I have no fresh food again and I'm just a total burden everywhere ...

I wasn't able to ask for help at first l, then I was...now I can't again and as stupid as it may be, well, it bugs me to high heaven that people nearby NEED me to explain EVERY TIME when I need help, or...well, food...

I mean...

I could scream...

In truth, I'd rather scream than feel how I do inside... I feel like I'm on fire inside...

Borderline personality disorder makes me feel too much at once and then I switch off to get by and not self harm or shout at the wrong person (that would be everyone... I'm a nothing.)