I've reached that epically horrific moment where my eyeballs are ON FIRE 👀🔥 so much from lack of sleep 😴🚫 that plucking them out doesn't seem completely unreasonable...
Social worker called to say she'd be arriving within 45 minutes this morning; which she did...didn't want her too though...and sister was ignoring texts... So sat with a plaster the whole time going minute-by-minute...
Social worker hates me 😔
SAMH worker arrived as soon as S/W had sat down...
Missed buzzer due to time to put boot on blah blah...
In a nutshell, my support from SAMH will be taken away by March, and halved until then...
What the actual fuck?!
I just wish someone would kill me so my family and friends were left without thinking me s completely selfish bastard.
I hate myself enough for EVERONE EVERYWHERE; I don't need help to be hated...
Thursday 18 December 2014
Thursday 11 December 2014
Can't post because I just feel like nothing...
Utterly raging... Haven't felt 'right' for a while and have been fighting myself but have been being successful... JUST GOT A FRIKKIN LETTER through the door for a fine for pulling into a bus lane to use my inhaler...my blood is boiling!!!!!!!
I have ridiculous agoraphobia and paranoia and hadn't been out in quite a while...this has just added fuel to the fire...
Speaking of which I want to now go set the council buildings on fire...insert whole bunch of expletives here...
I had to pull over to find my inhaler...I had to fkn do it then and there and well, bus lanes weren't important -wouldn't I pull into the only FUCKING section with a camera?!!!! ...
... I'm so angry with myself...
...this goes into the bag of stupid reasons not to go out... And reasons to drive into a polis (don't worry, I don't drive when I feel that way...I barely move when I feel that way...Pfft I barely move!!!!!)
AAARGH I'm so fucking angry!!!!!!
I thought it would be better to feel anything than that emptiness the last wee while I've had...but now I want to cut arms...been fighting whilst hollow anyway now I've got even less of an ability to fend those thoughts off!!!!! Aaaaargh!!!!!
I have ridiculous agoraphobia and paranoia and hadn't been out in quite a while...this has just added fuel to the fire...
Speaking of which I want to now go set the council buildings on fire...insert whole bunch of expletives here...
I had to pull over to find my inhaler...I had to fkn do it then and there and well, bus lanes weren't important -wouldn't I pull into the only FUCKING section with a camera?!!!! ...
... I'm so angry with myself...
...this goes into the bag of stupid reasons not to go out... And reasons to drive into a polis (don't worry, I don't drive when I feel that way...I barely move when I feel that way...Pfft I barely move!!!!!)
AAARGH I'm so fucking angry!!!!!!
I thought it would be better to feel anything than that emptiness the last wee while I've had...but now I want to cut arms...been fighting whilst hollow anyway now I've got even less of an ability to fend those thoughts off!!!!! Aaaaargh!!!!!
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