not even to call the GP -and i've only got one reliever inhaler left..
...
getting so frustrated with myself.
...
Been There
Feel Again
© Jeff Bresee
Much time I now spend, watching
Watching as others pass by, living
Living their lives
I watch not for care of wanting to know them
Or even so as to learn from what they do and say
I simply watch…and wonder
Wondering why. Why do I feel this way
Wondering how. How have I come to this point
Wondering when. When can I ever hope to feel again
As I watch, I remember
Remember what it was like…
To feel as they feel
To laugh as they laugh
To cry as they cry
To hope as they hope
To hurt as they hurt
To love, to hate, to long, to fear, to yearn…to rejoice…to live
But such is all that I have…memories
Memories which flow before my mind’s eye
Even as the people flow before my gaze
And I, I sit quietly in the shadow…
And wonder
***
i feel as stuck as ever since first breaking my ankle nearly 4 years ago...my heart is breaking for the folk in the Philippines and yet i'm just as selfish as ever moaning in my own head over and over about 'being stuck'...at least i'm alive -i should be grateful for that, plus i live in a country where i can get financial help whilst unable to work at the moment....but nooooooooooo...
***
I feel smashed and hammered reading that poem...in a weirdly 'good' (not good) way...in that, I can relate and not feel so...alien...
I...Went to the bin chute -only the one in the landing ...through 4 doors (I'm including my living room and front door...because my heart rate had increased before if even gone through them)...that was about 3 hours ago...I'm now agitated beyond my ability to explain...I hate that that was so big an effort I had beads of sweat everywhere...I hate me right now...
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