i have ONLY posted replies to things in a closed support group for folk with BPD as of late
...and i have put up a couple of silly pics to get us smiling
...but they've really been to try to get ME TO smile
...i feel like i'm dead inside just now -just an empty shell
...like an Easter Egg that isn't Cadbury or Galaxy or any nice-tasting thing
...i feel down...really down...the kind where words fail me...i...i kind of don't feel real at the same time...i have nobody to talk to to explain these things that will understand and not be upset/worried/offended
...but i've held back from sharing in the group for fear of triggering or offending or worrying folk THERE
...you know what i'm saying when i say "i feel really really low"
...but for those of us WITH BPD we know it's not a, err, aaargh... i don't even know how to word anything... i don't want reported to facebook if i say flat out what's in my head...
or to have the police show up and take me away if i do the same on the phone to breathing space or the Samaritans...
tomorrow is my birthday -the day that will be a day folk get angry with me when i'm gone because it's by my own hand...so it's the day...it HAS to be...
i feel sick to the pit of my stomach -i have NO IDEA where i hid my rope from myself...
i'm both glad and angry with myself for that...
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