My life...general rantings will likely be the most frequent things found here! = )
Thursday, 9 October 2014
Youtube vlog on mental health/just me in general
I've wanted to do one for AAAAGES!!
But then BANG goes my anonymity...
I don't feel I should hide for my sake, but for that of the little ones in the family...
Plus...
I kind of go off on tangents easily...
That said, i still keep coming back to this thought...have done for years now...
Perhaps it's time to stop hiding...
But then BANG goes my anonymity...
I don't feel I should hide for my sake, but for that of the little ones in the family...
Plus...
I kind of go off on tangents easily...
That said, i still keep coming back to this thought...have done for years now...
Perhaps it's time to stop hiding...
My albino hamster of 3 and a half years has been put to sleep..
Where are you?
My beloved albino hamster hasn't long passed away and I properly cleaned all his stuff...my head and heart are fighting though...it's only been a week...
I hate waste and wouldn't want it to just sit in a cupboard...but...
My beloved albino hamster hasn't long passed away and I properly cleaned all his stuff...my head and heart are fighting though...it's only been a week...
I hate waste and wouldn't want it to just sit in a cupboard...but...
Wednesday, 20 August 2014
In an uncontrollable rage
Spent hours waiting on a delivery waste of SAMH time and then got a text and email to say I wasn't in to sign for it and they'd put a card through -eh?! Wtf -called them VOICE OPTIONS EVENTUALLY GOT A BITCH AND I just WENT BERSERK started throwing shit EVERYFICKINGWHERE SAMH WOMAN WAS THE NICE ONE SO I CALMED DOWN A bit more...
I'm now with my 11 year old niece who had 2 hospital appointments and had to miss school today...
I NEVER stay angry round kids...
I've ALWAYS swore by that...
But now?!!!
Now...RIGHT NOW I WANT TO CUT MY ARMS TO BITS and she is sitting right opposite me in a public cafe ... And I don't care...
I am
So so so angry...
I am raging with myself
At these feelings
More
Than i am at the fact that the company messed me about and won't tell me who the delivery is from and then them saying i wasn't in -thus, effectively calling me a
Liar, and THEN saying my postcode doesn't exist...
Wtf? I don't exist?
So to whom did you try to deliver??????aaargh...they won't even say who the delivery is from...
Fuckwitz
Thursday, 24 July 2014
I give the fuck up
Swearwords swearwords...blue badge expires tomorrow and they're being pure swearwords...I can't call anyone anymore raaargh
... point in anything...
... I only just got it in September!!!!!!!!!!
They are wrong and now I'm getting a bunch of nonsense about admin fees and I sent the wrong stuff and blah blah blah I DO NOT CARE that the games have slowed then down it whatever I NEED HELP...
Why are they doing this...
Why are all the "powers that be" throwing brick walls in my way and my body doing this half-life thing???!!
Why won't it just give in then nobody needs to be angry or sad or whatever...
Tuesday, 22 July 2014
Unwell again *sweats and shakes*
This area is doing my head in now...
This flat...
These 4 walls...
This life...
I just can't take it anymore...
Listening to fighting;
Listening to parties til stupid o'clock;
Watching people being stabbed;
Watching people being chased with a variety of weapons;
Hearing fights over nothing;
Hearing the people above me vomiting every morning...not wanting to eat anything because of that...;
Someone constantly showering at FREAKING 3am?!!!!!!;
Having to talk to the police regularly about the incidents that occur here...
Get called up as a witness repeatedly and being told that they won't shield or protect me because I'm "only" a witness?!! I'm a fu€*ing nothing is what I am...
And ridiculously vulnerable (and obvious!) if they don't shield me...so I returned to cutting...thanks guys...fucking ba$tard$...
You don't "tell on" people in my area
...no freaking wonder?!!!!
And the bloody polis I've encountered have been a richt shower!!!
but tae fick wi' them aw is my mood...
...some sick B*+€# told the 98 year old beside me that she had a parcel she needed to sign for ...
She's on a rollator...
The B*+€# then shoved her over when she opened the door and stole her bag with a substantial amount of money...
that's why I've been quiet...
I ALWAYS look out the window or peep hole to be aware of surroundings as
I know how vulnerable that wee lady and I am...
I'm torn between being raging with myself at not hearing anything and now being worse with my agoraphobia...
it wasn't even me who was mugged!
I'm...
Argh I don't know...
...GGRRRR
Saturday, 19 July 2014
19 July 2014 _my eyes (heterochromia Iridis, coloboma and corectopia)... And my head...swirly brain time...
"Been there, done it (due to being teased relentlessly for as long as I can remember and it took MORE THAN 25 years to start to love my eyes..."
...
I NEVER get questions as an adult...just horrified looks and I can FEEL that I'm being judged -I have mobility issues too...I have crutches (that I rarely use because I'm partially sighted and fall often); a rollator (like a zimmer, but all wheels...it's easiest to use) and a wheelchair...
I'm not doing so well mentally because all if these things lap over each other...if I fall and someone helps me up, they almost so a double take when they see my eyes and I've had ONE person get a fright and let me fall again so they could run away -perhaps they thought I'd done it as I fell and thought they'd get into trouble???...
It has now left me in a pretty erratic mental state -I have very profound agoraphobia...I rarely go out anymore -not even to the bin chute and it's on my floor, only through two doors...but I'm pretty much a basket case on a great many days...
...
Today is NOT one of those days...since I'm able to explain it...but this "good" day has been spent on my back trying to breathe (I have pretty complicated asthma too!)...it very much seems as though the 'helpers' in my country (Scotland) do not want me to get any help...they say I must choose one of my health problems to get help with...they don't seems to care that all impact on the rest if me and that I AM A PERSON NOT A NUMBER OR STATISTIC!!!
They are
Monday, 26 May 2014
"Girl, Interrupted" by Susanna Kaysen *Book in comparison to film"
Girl,Interrupted
By Susanna Kaysen
Book vs. Movie
Having seen the movie years before I read the book, I was shocked by how different each version of Girl, Interrupted was. Susanna Kaysen wrote Girl, Interrupted as a recount of her eighteen months as McLean Hospital in the 1960s. James Marigold adapted the memoir into a film in 1999 staring Winona Ryder as Susanna and Angelina Jolie as Lisa Rowe. The movie is loosely based off the book, at best. The differences between the two are so significant, that they are two different works completely.
Lisa’s character in the movie is a much more prominent piece of the story than she is in the book. She is mentioned throughout the book, but doesn’t get nearly as much attention as she does in the movie. Kaysen wrote about her experiences with insight on the lives of the other patients and their histories. The movie didn’t focus long on the other girls.
More importantly though, are the incredibly ridiculous scenes added in the movie. The girls are seen sneaking down to the hospital’s basement late at night to go bowling and play pop music. The hospital was under strict watch, one section of the book was even dedicated to the constant checks done by the staff. The tight policies of the hospital would’ve made it impossible for the girls to sneak down, especially if they were so loud. An even bigger plot difference though was the escape scene. Susanna and Lisa plot to escape the hospital so they can move to Disney World and work as Cinderella and Snow White. They succeed and spend some time at a former patient’s house. Lisa had attempted to escape many times in the book, but nothing remotely close to that scene ever happened.
Even the depiction of the hospital was inaccurate to what Kaysen wrote about. The hospital in the movie seems almost campy. It’s bright and lively. It almost seems like a joke. In Kaysen’s version the hospital seems frightening and unwelcoming. One of the first people she encountered was a girl painting herself in her own feces. Grotesque, but accurate scenes like that weren’t in the movie, probably so a more sensitive audience could enjoy it.
The movie was flawed and inaccurate, however it is entertaining. I really liked it when I originally watched it because I didn’t have prior knowledge of what actually happened. Reading the book really made the movie seem insincere. The cast did an excellent job portraying the characters, but it should’ve been written in respect to what had actually happened. The only way to enjoy both is to just think of them as different stories just with the same name.
I think if I was Susanna Kaysen I would be really unhappy with the way it turned out. She experienced eighteen long horrible months in McLean and to make the movie so inaccurate and to not take her story seriously seems like a slap in the face. Her time in the hospital burdened her with a stigma of insanity for the rest of her life. She was wrongly sent to the hospital, and the movie makes all of her trauma seem to be a joke. It’s just disrespectful.
References
Kaysen, S. 1993. Girl, interrupted. New York: Turtle Bay Books.
Wick, D. Konrad, C.(Producer), & Mangold, D.(Director). (1999). Girl, Interrupted [motion picture]. United States: Columbia Pictures."
(From "http://girlinterruptedm3s13.wordpress.com/", accessed on 26 May 2014)
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