Unwell again *sweats and shakes*

This area is doing my head in now...

This flat...

These 4 walls...

This life...

I just can't take it anymore...

Listening to fighting;

Listening to parties til stupid o'clock;

Watching people being stabbed;

Watching people being chased with a variety of weapons;

Hearing fights over nothing;

Hearing the people above me vomiting every morning...not wanting to eat anything because of that...;

Someone constantly showering at FREAKING 3am?!!!!!!;

Having to talk to the police regularly about the incidents that occur here...

Get called up as a witness repeatedly and being told that they won't shield or protect me because I'm "only" a witness?!! I'm a fu€*ing nothing is what I am...

And ridiculously vulnerable (and obvious!) if they don't shield me...so I returned to cutting...thanks guys...fucking ba$tard$...

You don't "tell on" people in my area

...no freaking wonder?!!!!

And the bloody polis I've encountered have been a richt shower!!!

 but tae fick wi' them aw is my mood...

...some sick B*+€# told the 98 year old beside me that she had a parcel she needed to sign for ...

She's on a rollator... 

The B*+€# then shoved her over when she opened the door and stole her bag with a substantial amount of money...

that's why I've been quiet...

I ALWAYS look out the window or peep hole to be aware of surroundings as

I know how vulnerable that wee lady and I am...

I'm torn between being raging with myself at not hearing anything and now being worse with my agoraphobia...

it wasn't even me who was mugged! 

I'm...

Argh I don't know...

...GGRRRR

Is it 'normal' that I'm so impacted upon...is it BPD or am I an idiot or just maybe overly sensitive?

So I can't/shouldn't talk to anybody just now...I'm like a bad domino...