Monday 29 May 2017

how i just described the holy spirit lol

Well the way I saw things, before anything was alive the Holy Spirit was everywhere, like a mist kind of idea... so the wording "conceived of the Holy Spirit" was from the fact the God already existed on/in our plane in that form... 

(whether we embrace that or be not is what keeps everyone from JUST  
BEING ABLE TO LOVE AND QUIT ALL THE GREED AND INSANITY THAT IS HURTING EVERYONE ELSE, sorry, recent chaos and particularly vile acts of horror/cowardice have me ranting...

Sooo... back to the topic, I digress so much it's difficult to stop tearing up when even sitting alone these days...)

...I thought of it as a way to show how Mary said her "yes" to the Holy Spirit and also to stress that she had not sinned, because we humans would possibly jump to the conclusion that ok, maybe Joseph isn't the father but another earthly human must be... 

Ah humans! So simple and so completely complex.

In a nutshell? 
In my mind, I think when Jesus says "you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you" to His apostles - He was HAVING to let them change the way they were wired and BE OPEN TO THE HOLY SPIRIT...that way, they could say THEIR yes...

Imagine?! 
You're an apostle
 - you've left ALL of your family, friends, EVERYONE and EVERYTHING... 
you TRULY trust in His logic and want to help Him
 *He did ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE things - but YOU WERE THERE, YOU SAW IT... ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE, but He ACCOMPLISHED these great things!! ...You now DEFINITELY BELIEVE in His teachings and are actively helping Him reach out to others; as many people as you can...(but you kind of probably still want to be in His closest circle still -there has to be a hierarchy, it's how the world works _even then *rolls eyes, trying not to have another rant*...
*He taught you MANY MANY things [*I* imagine from waking til  sleeping He was teaching, teaching, teaching - LIVING, *TRULY* LIVING what He  is saying 
---wait! The religious men back then, living religious lives, surely THEY did this? Surely they wouldn't try to trick anyone into helping someone on the sabbath so as to embarrass them or anything like that? ........

*Oh! Then, remember the time? He had been flat-out told that some people  had said they thought He was a prophet, some were saying they thought He was some sort of reincarnation of Elijah...oh! There must have been ALL SORTS of things flying around!!!! Jesus asks what THEY think... "You are the Messiah, the Son of the Living God" -good rock of a friend there! Yes, Simon Peter...but even HE IS LATER TESTED TO THE LIMITS OF HUMAN NATURE...

*NOW?? You love your friend, He has shown you how to LIVE LOVE, how to SPREAD LOVE and done INCREDIBLE works before you -this IS IT! THIS IS "THE MESSIAH"... you'd heard/read/been told that one day this was all going to happen and you?? You get to be HIS FRIEND, HE CHOSE YOU TO BE HIS FRIEND AND TO HELP HIM! You KNOW this as fact! Your human mind is a bit fried, but it's all good LIVING LOVE -so simple and amazing!

*Then?!!!!! One of the group BETRAYS Him! It's almost unbelievable, but it's happening! He is taken away and all the people who had sat with your group listening to Him and some who had watched Him do the not-impossible-for-Him? They're turning against Him????! What's happening? Why doesn't He just stop this? Why doesn't He let you all fight for Him? He stopped the first fight in the garden of Gethsemane IMMEDIATELY (and healed the injury from that encounter!) -He CAN do anything!!!!! 
They have killed Him. Murdered Him in THEE MOST HORRIFIC and public and humiliating way possible!!!!
HE IS DEAD!!!!
HE IS DEAD????!!!??!
What is happening! The world's gone CRAZY!
Right! Find the gang! Go to that wee room nobody will think to look in and you can all talk this over and work out 1. What's happening! 2. What's happened?! 3. What to do next.

*HE IS NOT DEAD? You've now seen Him. For yourself!! You thought you were going mad and had seen things you hadn't seen -or just wanted to- before! You're so glad your friend is not dead!!! There are nearly no words to describe your relief at a) Him not being dead and b) you not being insane! Seriously, in that room it was starting to get a bit heated -who was sure they saw what? "No! I DID have leftovers in my baskets!" ... "well, I only saw the basket I had!"

Wait! He has to go back again?! To heaven?! What's with all the trumpets?! It's amazing! He IS ACTUALLY rising into the sky, but you kind of would like Him to stay (you're only human after all! That IS your one-of-a-kind-friend -there WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER LIKE HIM!

Best get back to the room and pray again. He told you that the Holy Spirit will be coming to you all when you are in there and 
THAT
WILL
BE
HOW
YOU
WILL:
1) get through this -your head feels a bit scrambled if you're truly honest!
2) get through to others ---that was His message A LOT in His stories AND in the way He lived. Simply by living love others will too.

***
SOOOOOO...
I digressed a wee bit I guess...but that's how I see it.

Jesus told them the Holy Spirit was coming to help them in order for them to open up to ALLOW the Holy Spirit to be visible to them and work in them and through them.




>I hope that that made sense, somewhere, some way...

>I also hope it wasn't offensive or incorrect- if it IS BLATANTLY incorrect I'd like to know I've gone wrong and I WILL work on learning !!!

Monday 22 May 2017

Crawling

Ok, so most of you know the score...there's not really one condition in anyone...we are INDIVIDUALS (I feel like watching The Life of Brian when I have to remind myself of this fact!LOL!...got to keep on keeping on somehow, right?!)...

Aaaanyway -I have a bunch of diagnonsenses and I have had THREE FACE2FACE interviews with the DWP in the last year... the last one did not tell me what it was for, merely a place and time... my mental health was always a bit erratic but 7 years of being told to try to "break through the pain"? Even with a CRPS diagnosis added to my mix?? They see a blue and puffy foot and STILL try to tell me it's because I'm not willing to try harder??? Argh!! 😤 soooo... I was confused and pretty much at my wits end and on my knees (literally! My wheelchair does not fit in my flat so I crawl on bad days...)


Aaaaaanyhoo, again...

I went to a solicitor first and he came along with my sister and I and he was just lovely I must say! But boy oh boy did he get a shock! There is NO RAMP or flat entrance to the disability assessment building in Cadogan Street, Glasgow...that's right folks! You read it correctly! I am partially sighted and stairs aren't my best buds at the best of times but these are ye olde ULTRA SOLID not-concrete-but-possibly-some-sort-of-titanium-killer-stairs... you know the ones! Crumbly ends from centuries of feet and furniture and goodness knows what...


As I only had my rollator I was REFUSED the portable ramp -it is for wheelchairs only; if I returned to my flat to get my chair I would have been late and turned away (and probably sanctioned and then my mind went into "I'll go into rent arrears and I'll be removed from the flat I'm in"...I have agoraphobia and social anxiety and all sorts of other anxieties...)


People outside the building now took note (FOUR GREAT BIG BURLY BOUNCERS stood, arms crossed and looking at me with utter disgust!)

Some passers by were laughing, two people tried to start a fight with a bouncer -I didn't even know them! I was terrified! This was all within a few minutes, though it felt like much longer!! 

The solicitor carried my rollator, my sister carried my bag with my nebuliser and stayed RIGHT BESIDE ME - I had to CRAWL UP THE 2 SPLIT-LEVEL STAIRS...


I was (and still am) MORTIFIED and panicked and felt like a complete burden and there is NOWHERE TO TURN TO TO EXPOSE THIS!!


It's INSANE!!


I now don't even know how I will manage to go back outside again -I am going to go completely insane in this room alone.

(I think that's what they want...)

Sunday 7 May 2017

inevitable suicide...

It's completely consuming me now, these thoughts, I can't even get through a day without believing -truly believing- that it WILL be an eventuality and all I'm doing is harming others more by prolonging agonies all around me simply by living.


I hate it.