Circumventing the fact that I'm done

What can I do?

I just want to forget...

well, not forget, just not not care or I guess I just want to, I'd say "be normal" but that doesn't exist.

I'm sick of being checked out.

I'm sick of being a burden.

Pain condition complex medical diagnonsenses YET MY UNDOING IS FROM MY OWN HEAD

I suffer* from a few medical conditions and the greatest hit is my mental health -they are all true but I am close to several people telling me they are not and I am very much struggling to keep my head above the parapet.

*even using the word suffer makes me cringe...ok I can't walk unaided and I'm sore and I don't have a day without pain...but there are people in this world with NOTHING. People starving to death. People so mistreated I could never properly contemplate it. People abandoned LITERALLY at the side of a road, left to die because they have become too difficult for that family to care for...

 

Thirty three Thoughts

Thirty three thoughts flood my brain, head and mind,

A tear streams from my eye and I wipe it away,

What part of "no!" do you not understand?

Just sit beside me and hold my hand.

Don't talk about my like I'm not in the room,

Inside I am broken, dreadful thoughts loom.

Hanging on to a ledge by the tips of my fingers,

The world crushes many and that thought always lingers,

Complete strangers to me, our paths have never crossed,

A glimpse of a headline; from my heart they're never lost.

Physics and suicide *pos T*

If all things fall at the same rate and what not, it wouldn't matter how fat i am or how many more floors up i were...

But it does and it will and it would and it's still horrific for too many others - why can't it just be me who gets killed by a maniac and not some nice, innocent, useful, helpful person?