Posting publicly about my messy head

I mean, under my own name.

I still have palpitations...

I posted it at the end of January.

Right to life

I often - and I MEAN often - (take just now for example, it's nearing 2 in the morning and I'm wondering! ...This LITERALLY KEEPS ME AWAKE!) wonder/worry about how many people are 'missing' from:

our world; my age group; the continent I am on; the country I call home; the city I call home; places I have visited ...

Would I have met the people who didn't get a chance at life because they were seen as 'DISPOSABLE'? Would they have been my friend? Would they have made me feel less alien/alone? Would one of them have been the father of my children???

Does this (of course it most certainly does!) mean that there's a knock on effect and because I have no children, another generation will be EVEN MORE LACKING???!

Seriously, keeps me up...

Then, of course, my mind has thought of that within a fraction of a second...but sparked off a zillion paths weeping for the family I never even knew I missed -not because they didn't survive from an accident, but purposefully...

I actually have cried for them -have I had cousins who were torn to shreds in the place they should have been most safe? 

Then there are the males who DON'T KNOW they've had children that weren't given a chance... 

How can we allow this to happen and to continue. 

My heart hurts.

My head is SWIMMING.

So too are my eyes now...